Radiant Pines Welcomes Its Most Modern Shopping Experience Yet

The Evergreen Department Store

Radiant Pines, [REDACTED]

The town of Radiant Pines continues its proud march into the future with the grand opening of the Evergreen Department Store, a sprawling new retail destination designed to meet the needs of the modern family while preserving its core values.

Located just off [REDACTED], Evergreen offers a wide selection of carefully curated merchandise, including clothing, home goods, seasonal décor and personal accessories all under one roof. Take a walk down the brightly-lit aisles and sip coffee as you browse for a new pair of pants or find that perfect gift for dad that’s been eluding you. Evergreen’s courteous staff is ready to help you with any questions.

“Evergreen represents progress done the right way,” said store manager Mr. Harold Whitcome during a private walkthrough earlier this week. “We wanted a space that feels like a home away from home. Like you’re deciding what to wear in the comfort of your own closet.”

A fine selection of women's apparel

The women’s apparel section, located towards the back of the store, has already drawn attention and praise from some early bird shoppers.

“I never expected such a wide selection of blouses,” said resident Mavis Deary. “And those prices…who did they have to kill to get us such a good deal?”

“Who indeed?” said Mr. Whitcome, laughing nervously.

Mr. Whitcome welcomes the new shoppers

A Project Years in the Making

Though the Evergreen Department store has seen a smooth and well-received opening, the planning and development was not without significant discourse.

Radiant Pines city records show that the project underwent multiple council hearings and planning sessions, during which zoning, traffic flow and community impact were discussed at length. Frequent points of criticism included the potential for smaller individual stores being put out of business and the town losing its identity.

Council chair Eleanor Marsh addressed the debates during a public hearing, claiming that Evergreen would highlight what makes Radiant Pines special while simultaneously creating new jobs and stimulating the economy. Midway through the hearing, the doors to the assembly hall were thrown open and a deranged man approached the podium. "This mall, this town, everything is a lie," he said, wide-eyed. Mrs. Marsh quickly snapped her fingers, signaling her security to remove the man. "Please," he said, "you have to see it. This whole town is a lie. They're experimenting-" his face was covered with a hood before he could finish and he was dragged outside, eliciting a round of applause from the audience.

Council chair Eleanor Marsh keeps things on track at the public hearing

“Our people are our greatest asset,” said Marsh in an exclusive interview with The Scary Salad Network following the council hearing. “We will never stop working to ensure the greatest community experience possible. Safety and prosperity are our #1 priorities.”

When asked about the man who disrupted the council meeting, Mrs. Marsh laughed and pulled a cigarette from a metal case which also contained several human teeth. "Oh don't worry, he won't be bothering us again."

The Evergreen Department store will be open daily from 9 AM to 7 PM.